


Happy Days

by adamwhatareyouevendoing



Series: The Tech Guys [1]
Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1968051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamwhatareyouevendoing/pseuds/adamwhatareyouevendoing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malcolm and Colin are both secretly in love with each other. Then Colin moves into Malcolm's house for a month...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving In

**Author's Note:**

> This is set before the show starts - around 1997

When Colin gets home one evening - exhausted after a long operation - to find a pipe has burst in his flat, destroying everything, he cannot possibly know it will turn out to be one of the best things that could have happened to him. At the time however, his first thoughts are along the lines of: 'bugger!' and 'now what am I going to do?'  
  
He can see quite clearly that the flat's a write-off: the floor to the main living area and kitchen is swimming in a foot of water, and the furniture has taken a thorough soaking. It'll take a while for everything to dry out, and he'll need to get professional cleaners in.  
  
In the meantime, Colin knows he'll need somewhere to stay. He could call his sister, he muses, but he doesn't really fancy spending an indeterminable number of weeks sleeping on her sofa and being woken up every few hours by a screaming baby. He has a couple of friends in the London area, but they probably wouldn't appreciate him commandeering their flats any more than he would feel comfortable doing so.  
  
Colin knows deep down that he really has only one viable option, but it's the one he really doesn't want to admit to himself. The person in question is so lovely that no doubt he'd willingly give up his spare room for Colin - after all, Colin has stayed in it on a number of occasions - but only for one night. The premise of weeks spent in his company, along with the associated closeness Colin knows is unavoidable from living with someone for a long period of time, is more than he thinks he can bear. It doesn't help that Colin is very aware that he's attracted to the person in question; unrequited love is not a feeling Colin enjoys, and he's not sure how he'll be able to cope living in such close proximity to the man he wants to live with in much less platonic terms. It also doesn't help that the person in question is Malcolm Wynn-Jones, his colleague and best friend.  
  
Swearing under his breath, Colin pulls out his phone from his jacket pocket and, squeezing his eyes shut once he's on Malcolm's number, he presses the call button. The wait between the dialling tone and Malcolm answering the phone is far too short for Colin's liking, and he lets the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding out in a shaky rush when he hears Malcolm's voice.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, it's me." He must sound more distressed than he thought, because Malcolm immediately sounds worried.  
  
"Colin? Is everything okay?"  
  
"Um, well, not really actually," Colin admits, taking a steadying breath. "I've just got home to find my flat currently resembles a swimming pool."  
  
"Ah," Malcolm says.  
  
"A pipe burst," Colin explains. "There's quite a lot of damage and it's going to take a while to clean up - the furniture and a lot of my stuff is ruined -"  
  
He's aware that he's rambling, but he doesn't know how to ask the question he actually rang to ask. Luckily, Malcolm interprets the meaning behind his call and saves him from having to find the words.  
  
"Can I help in any way?" Malcolm asks. "Do you need to stay at mine while everything gets sorted out?"  
  
"If you don't mind, that would be really helpful, thanks," Colin smiles, more out of nerves and anticipation than anything else.  
  
"Shall I come over and pick you up?" Malcolm asks. "If you want to get some stuff together I can be round in half an hour?"  
  
"Sounds good, thank you."

* * *

  
By the time Colin steps into Malcolm's house, clutching a large bag of things he'll likely need over the next couple of weeks, his nerves have settled slightly. Well, until Malcolm's shoulder accidentally brushes against his when closing the door, that is. Colin successfully stifles a gasp at the contact, but his breath hitches almost imperceptibly and his heart jumps slightly. This is ridiculous, he thinks - there's no way he can spend weeks living here without giving himself away, if this is how he reacts to only the briefest of touches.  
  
Shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts, he accepts Malcolm's offer of a cup of tea and heads upstairs to dump his bag in the spare room. Giving himself a quick stern talking to, he returns downstairs, determined to act like a rational adult and a friend, rather than a teenager with a stupid crush. After Malcolm has been kind enough to let him stay in his house, it's the least Colin can do: he's not going to make the man feel uncomfortable in his own home.  
  
Malcolm smiles consolingly at Colin as he enters the kitchen, passing him a cup of tea.  
  
"Thanks," Colin murmurs. "And thank you for letting me stay here, I can't explain how grateful I am. The only other person I could have asked is my sister, but she's got her hands full with a newborn baby and I didn't think she'd appreciate having to look after me as well," he jokes.  
  
The edge of Malcolm's mouth quirks upwards. "Technically you didn't ask me either," he quips. "I offered."  
  
A soft laugh escapes Colin, and he feels marginally more relaxed now that they've slipped into the easy banter that characterises their friendship.  
  
As the evening wears on and they settle into the living room to watch some TV after eating, Colin begins to think that maybe everything will actually be alright.


	2. Living Together

On the fourth day of their cohabitation, Colin does a grocery shop for the house. Malcolm is on obbo duty that evening, and they've run out of the staple products such as bread and milk, as well as any form of dinner. When Malcolm gets in late, Colin knows he'll be hungry, so he heads out to the shops to stock up so Malcolm doesn't have to come home to an empty fridge. It strikes him, as he pushes the trolley down an aisle, that this is a terribly domestic thing to do, and he can't help the twist in his stomach at the thought. It's already strangely disconcerting to see his and Malcolm's belongings mingling together, even if it is only a couple of his books and some pairs of shoes sharing the same space; disconcerting because there's an aching familiarity about the situation - two lives twining inexorably together - and yet Colin yearns for it to be under different circumstances. Of course, he's unbelievably lucky to be experiencing this at all, he tells himself, and he'll take whatever he can get.  
  
When Malcolm gets home and sees the shopping, he smiles to himself. Colin is already in bed - it is ridiculously late, after all - so he'll have to thank him tomorrow, but he's surprised by the jolt in his stomach and the warm feeling in his cheeks. There's something distinctively thoughtful in the action, because Malcolm hadn't asked Colin to do it, and yet he still had; but it goes deeper than that, Malcolm realises: proof that Colin has slipped indelibly into his life and his home, and what surprises him most is how well Colin fits. Up until this point, Malcolm has not shared a house with someone in his adult life: his relationships have been somewhat sparse since leaving university, and he's gotten used to living alone. Now, without realising it, the unspoken fear he had about sharing his life so closely with another person has been completely blown apart: he'd slipped into the companionship without even realising it, which he feels signifies something important, even though he can't yet comprehend what.  
  
For now though, he contents himself with making dinner and heading to bed; and if he dreams of spending the rest of his life with Colin, he doesn't mention it in the morning.  


* * *

  
Nine days into living together, as Colin has taken to thinking of their arrangement, they arrive at work only to be bombarded by a flurry of activity the moment they step out of the pods. Everyone on the Grid knows of their living arrangements since Colin told Harry about his temporary change of address on the second day; considering they're spies, nothing stays secret for very long, and therefore no one is surprised by them turning up to work together. No one seems to be casting aspersions either, and Colin doesn't know whether to be pleased that his feelings towards Malcolm obviously haven't been noticed, or secretly upset because it means Malcolm won't have noticed either.  
  
Not that that matters, because Colin's pretty certain that Malcolm is more interested in Zoe, the new recruit, who is both intelligent and beautiful. Only the other day, Colin had overheard the pair of them having an in depth discussion about languages: it turns out they both studied Latin at school, and have both travelled to many exotic places. Rather than staying to listen, Colin had simply left them to their conversation and tried not to feel too jealous about their closeness.  
  
Now, as they are updated on the overnight developments of the operation, Colin can't help risking a glance at Malcolm to see how he's handled the news. It transpires that Zoe had failed to call in her early morning status report, so the team has been called in to find her.  
  
Colin finds Malcolm in the forgery suite a bit later on, and passes him a cup of coffee.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asks, as Malcolm simply watches the GPS tracking of Special Branch to Zoe's last known location on the computer screen in front of him. "I'm sure she'll be fine," he adds, trying to be reassuring.  
  
Malcolm looks up at him, blinking hard as if to clear his thoughts, and accepts the coffee. "Thanks, I needed this."  
  
Colin simply waits for him to continue, instinctively knowing that Malcolm hasn't finished talking, he's just trying to find the words.  
  
"I think she'll be okay too," Malcolm manages after a minute, looking back at the screen. "It's just that she's not been involved in a major operation until now, and it's a bit worrying."  
  
He pauses again, and then looks back up at Colin. "I worry every time someone's out in the field and we lose contact with them. I could never do their job, I'm not brave enough," he admits. "I just know that in their position I'd be terrified, so I worry for them, even though they're probably alright."  
  
"They are trained for this," Colin reminds him gently. "We're tech guys and back up support, this is our comfort zone. Zoe's comfort zone is out in the field, and she will be alright."  
  
Thankfully, she is alright, and everyone on the Grid visibly relaxes and some of the tension drains away. The operation is successfully wound down just before midnight, and Colin and Malcolm leave the Grid and head home, exhausted but relieved by the positive outcome.

* * *

  
Two weeks after Colin first moved in, Malcolm comes downstairs in the morning to find Colin asleep on the sofa in his pyjamas. His heart does a strange leap when he first takes in the sight of the sleeping figure, and it takes a moment to slow his now shallow breathing. He can't help but take a few moments to simply study Colin's face, his eyes roving and trying to take in everything he can. He's been telling himself that they're simply friends, and he doesn't want to ruin that, particularly not when Colin is a guest in his house; Malcolm doesn't want him to think he only offered up his spare room to take advantage of Colin in their new-found closeness. Despite this however, confronted with the peaceful sight of his friend comfortable enough in his house to fall asleep on the sofa, he aches for more.  
  
Shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts, he moves over to Colin and gently puts a hand on his shoulder, murmuring at him to wake up. Colin opens his eyes blearily, and realising where he is, attempts a mumbling apology. "'M so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep here, I just couldn't sleep so I came down for a cup of tea and must have fallen asleep... I hope I'm not in your way."  
  
Malcolm hushes him, saying, "Nonsense, there's no need to apologise, you're not in the way." And before he can properly think about it, and consider the words before they leave his mouth, he adds, "It's your house too for now, you can sleep where you like."  
  
They both try not to blush at those words: Malcolm realising too late how suggestive it sounded and hoping Colin won't notice and be disgusted; Colin trying not to react and give away exactly where he'd rather sleep if that was the case.  
  
Desperately attempting to cover his discomfort, Malcolm mutters something about making coffee for them and heads for the safety of the kitchen.  
  
When he returns, Colin is looking marginally more awake, but his eyes are guarded when he glances up at Malcolm as he enters the room with their coffee. Malcolm reaches over to pass him a cup, but as he does so, their fingers brush. Startled, their gazes meet, and they can't help but study the blue depths of the other's eyes before quickly looking away again, trying to steady their breathing and give nothing away.  
  
They drink their coffee in silence; there's not an uncomfortable atmosphere in the room, but the underlying tension is hard to ignore. Eventually Malcolm gets up out of his armchair and starts to head out of the room. "We should probably get ready for work," he manages, breaking Colin out of his reverie.  
  
Colin gives him a wry, if slightly dazed, smile. "You could be right." He follows Malcolm up the stairs, respectably keeping his eyes lowered, and they part on the landing to head to their respective rooms. Once inside, they both breath easily again, though unbeknownst to the other, their thoughts are exactly the same.  


* * *

  
It's been over a month since Colin moved in and Malcolm considers it normality now to leave work together, workload permitting; eat dinner together; spend the evening together. He can't actually fathom how he's going to cope with returning to his solitary home life once Colin has gone; he's sure the house will feel empty and silent. Like a break up, except without the relationship. And of course it doesn't help that it's not just any person he's sharing his life with: it's Colin. That makes all the difference, Malcolm thinks, because he values their friendship and trust more than anything else in his life.  
  
Although they both think that the other doesn't feel the same, they've still allowed themselves to grow almost impossibly close - minus the physical closeness - but the emotional closeness is what really matters. But they're now so attached to each other that they're both terrified of making the first move, in case they've read it wrong and the other person doesn't feel the same; they don't want to jeopardise their friendship.  
  
There was a near miss the other night, when they'd returned home from the pub after celebrating Harry's birthday. They'd both had quite a bit to drink, lowering their inhibitions - they'd sat close together in the cab, shoulders brushing, and as Malcolm had opened the door with slightly shaking hands, he could have sworn he felt Colin's hand lightly resting on his lower back, just skirting that line between friends and something more. More than once that night, Malcolm had had thoughts about making a move - flitting through his head with an associated tingle of desire when he considered it.  
  
But in the end, something indeterminable had held him back, a mental barrier that he hadn't quite been able to overcome. He'd realised later that night, lying restlessly in bed, that if he was going to take a chance and make that final step, it would have to be sober - he needed to convey to Colin that he meant everything to him, and this wasn't just a drunken moment of weakness. He wanted to be able to savour the moment if Colin returned his feelings; wanted to be able to remember it in the morning. So he slept roughly, and hoped that someday soon he'd have the courage to admit his feelings.


	3. Bad Things Always Happen on Thursdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading so far! :)

It's a Thursday when it all kicks off. They've been running an operation against a suspected terror cell in Whitechapel over the last couple of days. After the initial set up - including formulating legends and bugging the flat of the man considered the weak link and MI5's way in - it's been a quiet week for Malcolm and Colin. So far it's just been a lot of obbo duty, but they've sometimes been on duty together, so it's not all bad, Malcolm reflects.  
  
Today, Colin is on duty with Tom, and they've been gone a few hours when Colin calls in his hourly update. After giving the call signs, as he knows Malcolm would want, he says tiredly, "Still nothing. He's just watching TV as he was the last hour. No signs of movement and no outside contact so far."  
  
Malcolm nods and then remembers that Colin isn't there to see him. "Understood." Then he adds teasingly, "How is the crossword going? Need any help yet?"  
  
He hears Colin's soft laugh, but his response is drowned out as a loud crackle issues from the speakers. "Alpha 2?" Malcolm questions, keeping to the call sign just in case of interception. Another crackle sounds, and then Colin says, "Sorry, comms had a blip, I think it's sorted now. And about the crossword: yeah actually."  
  
Malcolm laughs, "Go on then, let me astound you with my genius."  
  
"Ha ha," Colin replies sarcastically. "Right, I need 14-down, 'unachievable', 9 letters."  
  
Malcolm considers it for a second, then offers: "Impossible."  
  
"That's 10 letters," Colin responds quickly. "I already thought of that one, thanks genius."  
  
To cover for a moment while he tries to come up with another answer, Malcolm asks, "Is Tom there?"  
  
"Don't try and change the subject," Colin teases. "But no, he's just gone to get coffee."  
  
"Have you got any of the letters?" Malcolm asks.  
  
"Yeah, 'o' as the second letter and 'e' as the seventh letter."  
  
Malcolm considers it again. "Pointless," he says proudly.  
  
Colin makes an amused frustrated noise. "Alright genius, thanks."  
  
"Any more I can help with?"  
  
There's a pause while Colin checks through the clues. "7-letter word for 'desire'. No letters for help."  
  
Malcolm freezes for a moment, his heart clenching just at hearing Colin say the word ‘desire’, even though he berates himself for being ridiculous. He’s aware of the sudden bizarre turn this conversation has taken; similarly aware though that they are just doing a crossword, as they have done hundreds of times, and it's only awkward because he's making it so. Still, he recognises the irony of the situation, and very nearly says so, only stopping at the last moment because he remembers where they are, and he really doesn't want to have this conversation over the comms in the middle of an op.  
  
With a jolt Malcolm realises he's probably been silent for too long, and Colin is no doubt wondering what's wrong; in fact, his thoughts have been on the same track as Malcolm's and he hasn't noticed the prolonged silence.  
  
Clearing his throat, Malcolm offers, "That's a difficult one, nothing's coming to mind." He omits to mention exactly what is coming to mind.  
  
"I thought you were a genius," Colin jokes, trying to get his thoughts back on safe ground; in hindsight, this clue probably wasn't the best one to ask for help on.  
  
Before Malcolm can formulate a coherent reply, he hears the van door slide open, announcing Tom's return. Then there's a sudden crashing sound, followed by lots of shouting. He hears Tom try to call out a warning to Colin but it's too late: Malcolm hears Colin's grunt as he's presumably struck to the ground. More shouting follows, then the sounds of people bundling out of the van. The doors slam shut. Then silence.  
  
Malcolm can do nothing for a few moments, though it feels like an eternity - just sitting there dumbly, listening to the crackle of the comms echoing in the silence of the van.  
  
Finally he takes action, heading out into the main Grid and making a beeline for Harry's office. He tugs the door open without knocking, desperate to update Harry on the situation and get help as soon as possible. Harry immediately coordinates the response, giving everyone a responsibility. The first, and most important, tasks are to identify who took their colleagues, where they've been taken, and why.  
  
Malcolm can barely concentrate enough to function, he's so worried: Colin is not a field officer; he's not trained to deal with this. Malcolm knows the only way to help his friend is to do his job and treat Colin like any other officer out in the field, but he has a moment of terror before he calms himself down and heads back into the forgery suite. His first job is to check the CCTV of the areas surrounding the van to try and get a clear picture of the people who took Colin and Tom, and hopefully get face recognition to give them a match and a lead. Finding CCTV footage is simple enough, but the face matching software takes ages to run through potential suspects. After an hour, Malcolm is close to despair, and cannot help wondering what's happened to Colin in the time that has elapsed.


	4. Brothers of Freedom

When the bag is finally removed from his head, Colin blinks desperately in the blindingly bright light. Squinting through the glare, he takes note of his situation: Tom is tied to the chair to his left, and their captors are leaning over them, scrutinising, the lighting rig casting their shadows eerily across the room. The men turn to Tom first, roughly untie him and bundle him out of the room. Colin remains in the dingy room with one of the men serving as a guard; he has a gun, so Colin doesn't even think about trying to make an escape. The silence is painful; the tension almost unbearable as he awaits the return of the others, and his inevitable interrogation.

In an attempt to distract himself, Colin wonders how things are going on the Grid: Malcolm heard their abduction, so no doubt the team are already working on finding out who they were taken by and why. That thought is slightly reassuring, but the imminent sense of danger is still overpowering. Instead, Colin finds himself thinking about Malcolm, but that's not very reassuring either: Colin doesn't know if he'll ever see him again if things go wrong...   
  
After what feels like a few hours, but is probably no more than half an hour, Tom is dragged back into the room and shoved onto his chair. He's gagged, so has no opportunity to warn Colin of what lies ahead. The men now grab Colin and escort him from the room. He's lead into a smaller room and pushed onto a chair. The windows are barred and boarded up, but a few rays of light filter in through the cracks, allowing Colin to see drops of blood on the floor: undoubtedly Tom's. He shudders involuntarily and attempts to struggle free of his bonds, but it's futile.  
  
One of the men approaches Colin. He's not wearing a mask, indicating that he doesn't care if Colin knows who he is. That realisation makes a cold tingle track down Colin's spine: this man obviously has nothing to lose.  
  
"Who do you work for?" the man shouts, his face inches away from Colin's.

Colin briefly considers lying, but then realises that if these men knew who he worked for, they wouldn't be asking him the question; puzzling to say the least.

"The security services," he manages to spit out.

The men all laugh, making Colin pause in fear in case they don't believe him, but then one of them sneers, "Already more forthcoming than your friend. Tell us, why were you in that van?"  
  
"Surveillance."  
  
"On one of our group?" another one of the men asks viciously. He strikes Colin across the side of the head with the barrel of his gun. Colin can only grunt in response, feeling the warm trickle of blood down his left temple.  
  
"What do you know?" the first man demands. In his head, Colin composes what he considers to be a witty retort, but in reality he takes the easier and less painful option: "Bomb attack," he manages.  
  
The men begin to confer loudly amongst themselves in their native language. Colin tries to place it, but his head is pounding and he can only narrow it down as far as somewhere in the Middle East. Abruptly, four of the men leave the room, leaving only the leader - as Colin presumes he is - and two others, one of whom is the person MI5 had been watching. They say nothing further, only watching Colin coldly.  
  
After a while the door is flung open, and three of the men enter, dragging Tom with them. The fourth brings up the rear, carrying his chair and a camcorder. Tom is tied to the chair now positioned next to Colin, still gagged. Colin makes eye contact with him, trying to gauge how worried Tom is about their situation; Colin himself is terrified, Tom doesn't look much better. They've no idea what's going on; no idea what to expect.

When the camcorder is set up, the leader steps forward and hands Colin a sheet of paper. "Read this out when I say so. If you do not, we will kill your colleague. If you say anything not written here, if you try to give any other message to your colleagues, we will kill him."  
  
Colin nods once, too afraid to do anything else. The man goes behind the camcorder and presses the record button: "Read."  
  
Looking down at the sheet in front of him, Colin swallows to clear his throat and begins.

"I am a member of the British Security Services, held hostage by the Brothers of Freedom. The Brothers' aim is to make the West aware of the suffering of their people. No attempt must be made to stop this, or me and the other agent will be killed."

Two of the men step up behind Colin and Tom, pressing guns against their heads to reinforce the message. The camcorder is switched off, and the leader leaves the room, undoubtedly to deliver the tape to MI5.  
  
Colin and Tom are left tied to their chairs in the steady darkening of the room, with two of the men standing guard to prevent them from trying to escape. Tom is still gagged, so they can't talk, but Colin finds it calming just to have his presence next to him. He's not in this alone, and if everything kicks off, Tom is trained to deal with it, he reassures himself.  
  
Colin cannot help but wonder how Malcolm will react to the video: he knows if their positions were switched he'd be terrified for the other man, and terrified of losing him.  It's an absurd feeling, but he's more worried about Malcolm than he is for himself; he might be in danger, but Malcolm will see that video and not know what's happening to him. MI5 does not back down, Colin knows, they will work to find out about the attack and try to prevent it, regardless of whether or not they are able to rescue their colleagues. Two lost lives are nothing compared to hundreds; agents nothing compared to innocents. And Malcolm will have to work to foil the attack, all the time knowing that if they do, he will most likely lose Colin. Colin does not wish the guilt on his friend at all.


	5. Not Going Home

The face matching software has only identified four of the seven men who took Colin and Tom when the tape shows up. The team crowds into the meeting room to watch the video. As soon as Colin appears on screen, Malcolm tenses, feeling suddenly sick to the stomach. He can't stop staring at Colin's face, not listening to what his friend is being forced to say, but desperately trying to take in every aspect of him; he tries not to think it, but it might be the last time he ever sees Colin alive. That thought, heightened by noticing the trail of blood down Colin's temple, makes Malcolm even more nauseous, and his eyes fill up with tears. He blinks them away furiously, catching a final desperate glance of Colin before the tape finishes and he's left staring at the static flashing across the screen.  
  
Slowly, reality filters back in and Malcolm is dimly aware of people filing past him, ready to get back to work. He simply sits, eyes still fixed on the television, unblinking.  
  
"Malcolm?" Harry begins tentatively, the worry for his colleague evident in his voice. Malcolm finally tears his gaze away from the screen and focuses blearily on Harry.  
  
"What did he say?" he asks desperately. "I couldn't listen. I - what's happening?"  
  
"Tom and Colin have been taken by a group calling themselves the Brothers of Freedom. The group has an attack planned which we can assume is imminent - the aim seems to be maximum civilian casualties and must be stopped." Harry looks slightly guilty now, as though he's keeping something back, worried about Malcolm's reaction.  
  
"What is it?" Malcolm prompts, his voice close to breaking.  
  
"They said if we stop the attack, they'll kill Tom and Colin," Harry admits. Malcolm just looks shell-shocked, so Harry continues: "Of course we will do everything within our power to stop that."  
  
He doesn't have to say it, but Malcolm knows it's a very slim chance that they'll be able to both stop the attack and save their friends from their dire situation.  
  
"What do you need me to do?" he manages to force out.  
  
Harry looks concerned. "Are you sure you're up to it? You could go home, get some sleep; I'll let you know if there are any developments. Zoe can handle it."  
  
"No," Malcolm says quickly. "I'm not leaving - I can't leave until this is over." He doesn't say that he couldn't face going home right now; it's not just his home anymore, it's Colin's too. He can't go back there on his own, not with the heavy knowledge that Colin might not ever set foot in there again. He needs to know either way, and right now there's still the possibility - a very small possibility admittedly, but still a chance that Colin might make it out of this alive. Malcolm's not going home until he's done everything he can to make sure that that happens.  
  
Harry nods. "Well if you're sure, you should finish running the facial recog software and find out where these people live, they could be holding Tom and Colin in one of their houses."  
  
Malcolm looks doubtful, so Harry continues: "They're a small group, it's unlikely they've branched out too far."  
  
"Have we got any intel on the bomb location?" Malcolm asks.  
  
Harry shakes his head. "No, but we can assume it'll be a busy area if they want maximum casualties. Tube station, shopping area: take your pick. And there are a lot of those in London."  
  
Malcolm nods, thinking through it. Then he realises. "They weren't wearing masks; nobody even tried to cover their face."  
  
"So they don't care if we know who they are," Harry concludes. Then it dawns on him. "They don't intend to survive this do they? Kill themselves as well as civilians so they don't have to face up to being caught."  
  
"Taking Colin and Tom with them," Malcolm adds. "If the bomb goes off, they die. If the bomb doesn't go off, and we haven't found them, they die."  
  
"But that means they'll be being held near to where the attack will happen," Harry realises.  
  
"So if we find their houses, cross reference with busy locations, we might narrow down our target," Malcolm finishes, standing up quickly. "I'll get back to work; I'll let you know when I've got something."

* * *

The passage of time is difficult to calculate, but Colin is aware that hours have passed since they were taken. It'd been 2pm when he'd called Malcolm, and now the room is getting dark, so Colin figures it must be at least 6pm.  
  
From what he's managed to gather from the hushed conversations exchanged when the guards in the room changed over, the attack will take place tomorrow. He wishes he could understand more of what they were saying, but he figures it doesn't matter anyway: there's no way of getting a message to the Grid, even if he did have intel.  
  
He has been studying the guards' body language though, and there's something about it that worries him. He doesn't quite know why, but he gets the feeling that they're gearing up to die for their cause, rather than attempt to escape or face up to their actions. This puts Colin distinctly on edge.  
  
He still can't talk to Tom to explain his fears though, what with the constant presence of guards and the fact that they are both gagged, obviously to prevent them from shouting for help. Instead, he's been left with only his thoughts for company, and that's not a good thing when he doesn't know if he's going to make it out of this alive. He has taken to fantasising about getting home; thinking of the simple things like eating a good meal and having a cup of coffee; having a bath; spending time in Malcolm's company.  
  
Dwelling on thoughts of Malcolm are both comforting and devastating. Colin is still worried about his reaction to this situation, but knows that his friend is nothing if not professional, and that he'll do everything he possibly can to save Colin and Tom. Instead he comforts himself with thoughts of screwing up his courage if he makes it out of this alive and telling Malcolm how he feels. After all, even if Malcolm rejects him he'll still be his friend, and Colin can accept that. But if there's even a chance that Malcolm returns his feelings, then he's going to take it and not waste another opportunity. This situation has only proven that anything can happen to anyone, regardless of their role; in MI5, no one is safe. Although it's cliché, right now Colin can only agree that life is too short to hold things back. He desperately hopes he survives to tell Malcolm the truth.

* * *

An hour later, they know the identities of the seven men in the group. The team divides up to dig out everything they can on each of the men, focusing on where they live and cross referencing with the busiest areas of London. After another hour, they have locations for five of the men, and so far the most realistic chance is in an area near to Waterloo tube station: London's busiest.  
  
While people are working on that, Malcolm is trying to trace what sort of explosives the group might be using and how they will carry out the attack. He goes through the CCTV footage again, and this time notices that there's a white van further down the street. He goes back onto the system and patches back into the CCTV for that area, focusing on finding the arrival of the van. After about 10 minutes Malcolm is successful: the van carries the group who took Colin and Tom.  
  
Cleaning up the image means he can just about make out a logo which he runs through yet another database to find out who the van belongs to. Picking up the phone, he questions the company about renting out the van; it turns out they were contacted two days ago by a man looking to rent out three vans 'for a job'. The company had asked no questions about the nature of the job, but the name of the man ties with one of the group. Malcolm thanks them, hangs up the phone, and heads straight for Harry's office.  
  
He knocks quickly and then pulls the door open before Harry has a chance to answer.  
  
"Harry!" he exclaims breathlessly. "The group rented out three vans two days ago. They took Colin and Tom in one, but three?"  
  
Harry cottons on immediately. "Three vans, each with a bomb in them in a busy London area? It'll be carnage," he shudders.  
  
Malcolm nods. "We're still working on locations. Currently Waterloo Station seems the most likely target."  
  
It's at that moment that Zoe bursts through the doors, exclaiming, "Oxford Street! One of the group rents a flat just off Oxford Street."  
  
Harry and Malcolm stare at her in shock. Together, they rush out of Harry's office and towards the desks. Malcolm patches into the CCTV around the Oxford Street area for around the time that Colin and Tom were taken, scrubbing forwards until he finds the van heading along the main street. There's no CCTV down the street the man lives on, but the presence of the van indicates that that's where their colleagues are being held.  
  
Harry instructs Malcolm to keep going through the CCTV for the surrounding areas, checking to see if he can find the other two vans. It's too late to make sense for the group to attack now, as Oxford Street is not at its busiest in the evening, so the team concludes that the bombs will go off tomorrow about midday, when the shopping crowd is out in full force. However, the group may have already positioned the vans, or be about to mobilise them, so that they're in place ready for tomorrow. Malcolm therefore spends the rest of the night constantly watching the CCTV feeds.  
  
Meanwhile, Special Branch have been mobilised to check out the houses of the rest of the group, just to make sure that they haven't been thrown a curveball and Tom and Colin are actually being held elsewhere. It's very early in the morning when confirmation comes through that the other six houses are empty; the group must be all together then, holding Tom and Colin in the seventh location. At least that's what Malcolm hopes; when the bombs are diffused and SO19 storm the flat, if Colin and Tom are not there, it will be too late to save them.


	6. Day of the Attack

Just after 6am that morning, the CCTV feeds pick up the three vans moving into position, mixed in with the early morning deliveries to all the shops. There are only a few people milling around the Grid, but Malcolm dashes into Harry's office and on his command red flashes the entire team.  
  
Harry looks exhausted, but Malcolm figures he can't look much better. While Malcolm has spent the last few hours staring futilely at his computer screen waiting for movement, Harry has similarly been staring at his computer screen in case more intel comes in from Special Branch.  
  
With the team assembled, and bomb disposal ready to move in as soon as they're given the signal, they're just waiting on SO19 to mobilise and be ready to storm the flat. Harry has made the call to go in as soon as the vans have been positioned and the men have cleared the area and presumably gone back to the flat to await the carnage.  
  
In the meantime, the drivers of the vans don't make it easy to trace them, and Malcolm doesn't know if they would have found them if they hadn't known where the vans were setting off from. Each van goes a different route, doubling back occasionally, just to make sure they're not being followed. The group have clearly brushed up on counter surveillance techniques. Malcolm divides up roles quickly when he realises he won't be able to trace all three vans, so Zoe and Tessa help out in tracking a van each on the CCTV.  
  
After an hour of driving around to try and lose any tails - they've been successful at that; Harry gets a report from Special Branch and all three tails have been shaken off - the vans finally head back towards Oxford Street via different routes. Through the CCTV feeds, the team watch the vans park up, and after about 10 minutes the men all calmly leave their vehicles and nonchalantly, yet still purposefully to avoid suspicion from passers by, leave the area. Nobody on the street even gives them a second glance.  
  
Malcolm patches into the CCTV closest to the flat and they watch tensely as the men return there, a few minutes separating each of them. It's time.  
  
Suddenly the fear that's been threatening to overwhelm Malcolm all night rushes over him in one long, heart-stopping moment of dread. This is it. All night he's wanted to put off this moment, and thrown himself into the work to prevent from dwelling too long on the situation. But now there's nothing left other than to face it head on. As soon as Harry makes that call, there will be a maximum of ten minutes before SO19 have to storm the flat and see if there's anyone left to save. And that's only if the bomb disposal team manage to diffuse the bombs in the first place...  
  
Malcolm feels sick to the stomach, but says nothing as he watches Harry head to his office to make the call. The rest of the team are assembled around the computer screens, each with the four CCTV angles clearly visible: the three vans and the street closest to the flat. Of course that means there's no way to see SO19 go in, so they'll have to rely on the comm link. Malcolm can't even begin to explain how nervous he is now.  
  
Harry returns to the desks to stand behind Malcolm. This is it. They all watch with baited breath as the disposal team get to work, hoping against hope that the group don't have surveillance on the vans and know the bombs are being diffused. Colin and Tom would stand no chance then.  
  
The team manage to diffuse the first bomb within five minutes; within a further two minutes the other two bombs have been stopped as well. The team let out a collective sigh of relief, but that's only one part of what Malcolm has been dreading.  
  
Of course the rest of the team want Tom and Colin to be rescued too, but Malcolm doubts they want it as badly as he does, and for the same reasons. He makes a desperate plea to the heavens for everything to be alright, for Colin to still be alive. He promises himself right now that if by some miracle Colin survives, he'll tell him how he feels. He can't waste another opportunity.  
  
It's an agonising wait before SO19 are ready to go in, even though it's only a couple of minutes after the bombs have been diffused. There's no way to see what's going on; they can only hear as the flat is stormed. There's the sound of the door breaking down, loud shouting, gunfire, more shouting, more gunfire, men crying out in pain. It's impossible to tell who's being shot and what is going on. It's the most confusing and worst few minutes of Malcolm's life.  
  
The shooting stops. The shouting ceases.  
  
Eventually the team leader says, "Building secure. Hostile threat neutralised. Hostages safe."  
  
The team all cheer and Malcolm actually cries with relief, unable to hold in the emotion anymore. Zoe is crying too, so no one really notices, and if they do, they don't say anything: they understand. Harry claps Malcolm on the shoulder and Malcolm looks up at him and smiles gratefully.  
  
Harry congratulates the team on a job well done and they happily drift off back to their stations. Then he turns to Zoe: "When they get back, will you make sure Tom gets home alright?" he asks. "You can both have the rest of the day off." Zoe murmurs her agreement.  
  
Harry then turns to Malcolm. "Same with Colin. Go home, get some rest, it's been a difficult couple of days." And with that he heads back into his office to update the Home Secretary.  
  
Malcolm and Zoe simply sit there in companionable silence, waiting for their friends to return; the adrenaline and fear of the last several hours are wearing off now, leaving them both exhausted. They're both simply grateful that Tom and Colin are still alive.  
  
Eventually, the pods whir into life and Malcolm leaps to his feet. Zoe isn't far behind him. They both rush over to the men making their way onto the Grid. Everything's a bit of a blur for Malcolm and Colin after that; both emotionally and because their eyes have clouded with tears. They envelope each other in an exhausted hug, finally able to relax for the first time in what feels like an age. They can't believe it's only been 24 hours since they last saw each other.  
  
"Thank god you're safe," Malcolm manages to pant. "I was so worried."  
  
Colin simply nods, and Malcolm's hair brushes against his cheek. Before he has a chance to say anything, Harry approaches the group to welcome Tom and Colin back and tell them to go home and rest.  
  
Tom wants a quick word with Harry first, so Malcolm and Colin make their way through the pods together. They don't talk until they're safely in Malcolm's car, and even then it's only a brief exhausted exchange; now is not the moment to confess the truth to each other, they've both decided. The drive home is a quiet affair, both of them too tired to hold a proper conversation.  
  
When they pull into the drive however, Colin steels himself, and quickly places his hand on Malcolm's arm to prevent him from leaving the car. Malcolm turns to him, slightly startled.  
  
"Is everything alright?"  
  
Colin nods. "Yes, sorry, I didn't mean to worry you," he says quickly. "I just wanted to say thank you - we'll talk properly later when I've slept - but thank you for saving us. I know you won't have stopped since yesterday."  
  
"You don't have to thank me," Malcolm manages, stunned. "Of course I haven't stopped, I'd do anything to get you back safe."  
  
"You succeeded," Colin smiles gratefully. "But seriously, thank you."  
  
Malcolm nods, simply accepting his friend's gratitude for now; they can talk through everything later. There's so much that needs to be said, but as they enter the house, it's enough right now that they're back there together, safe.


	7. Evening

Malcolm wakes before Colin, having slept roughly; he'd been too preoccupied with the promise of their talk later to drift off properly. He still feels just as drained as he did when he went to bed; it's just later in the day. After a further few minutes of tossing and turning nervously, Malcolm makes his way downstairs, heavy with the knowledge that by this evening they will have undoubtedly talked through this - whatever this is.  
  
He goes into the kitchen to get some food; he doesn't know how long Colin will be asleep for, but he's starving and figures that if he makes something now, Colin can eat whenever he's ready. He finds the process of cooking relaxing, taking the edge off his jagged nerves.

Although he's actually resolved to tell Colin how he feels, he has no idea how to go about it. He'd been trying to think of ways earlier, but sleep had claimed him before he'd been inspired. Malcolm contemplates doing something special, like trying to make a nice meal and setting the table with candles, but he wonders if that might be coming on too strong: he doesn't even know if Colin feels the same way yet, and he doesn't want to scare his friend off without explaining first.  
  
For now Malcolm simply preoccupies himself with getting the food ready, and hopes that when the time comes, he'll be able to recognise the opportunity and seize it.  


* * *

Colin wakes up slowly, his eyes becoming accustomed to the light in the room; he checks the time and it's already after 6pm. He takes a moment to savour the feeling of being in Malcolm's house: there had been many moments over the last day when he thought he might never come back here. Now though, he has another challenge to face; he has to put himself on the line again, this time emotionally.  
  
Although he's understandably nervous, Colin is also determined to tell Malcolm the truth, as he doesn't want to waste another moment. It sounds cliché even in his head, but the fact remains that he nearly died today, and that fear has made him brave. Nobody knows how long they've got to live their life, and Colin wants to spend at least a bit of his in a relationship with Malcolm if at all possible. Nobody knows whether a relationship will last either, but Colin figures that any time spent together with Malcolm will be worth it.  
  
Slowly he becomes aware of the sound of Malcolm pottering about in the kitchen, and Colin's stomach rumbles suddenly. He laughs in surprise and decides to head downstairs to eat first and talk later. Rooting in the wardrobe, he digs out some worn jeans and a t-shirt; more casual than he normally wears in front of Malcolm, but comfort is forefront in his mind, rather than looking presentable. What he doesn’t know is that Malcolm is wearing similar clothing, and that it will actually prove to be quite distracting, having never seen each other in them before.  
  
Colin makes his way downstairs and stands in the doorway to the kitchen; Malcolm has his back turned and obviously hasn't heard Colin come in. Colin takes the opportunity to enjoy the sight of Malcolm in jeans: an item of clothing he never thought Malcolm would deign to wear as he seems a suits sort-of-man no matter what the occasion.  
  
He decides to make his presence known however, clearing his throat quietly. "Smells good, what are we having?" As predicted, Malcolm jumps slightly, having been unaware that Colin was awake and downstairs.  
  
Malcolm turns and can't help the rush of breath that leaves him when he takes in the sight of Colin standing in the doorway. He still looks tired, but he seems more relaxed; the few hours of sleep have done him good. The thing that makes Malcolm's heart rate speed up, however, is seeing Colin in casual clothes; the only time he's ever seen his friend in anything other than work clothes is when Malcolm stumbled upon him in his pyjamas. He can't help but give Colin an appraising once over, before quickly checking himself and raising his eyes to Colin's.  
  
"You scared me a bit," Malcolm admits, giving Colin a reassuring smile. "I didn't hear you come down, did you sleep alright?"  
  
"Not too bad, thank you," Colin says. "I'm a bit more rested than I was at any rate. More hungry than anything now."  
  
Malcolm then realises that he hadn't answered Colin's earlier question and says, "I thought I'd just do pork chops, we had them in and I was too hungry to do anything too complicated."  
  
Colin smiles. "Sounds great, thank you. Need me to give you a hand with anything?"  
  
Malcolm can't help but blush slightly at Colin's choice of words but doesn't say anything about it, even teasingly. He's too tense to joke right now, the situation is too important. Instead he simply says, "No don't worry, it's all under control. Just sit down and take it easy."  
  
Colin nods gratefully, and moves into the kitchen to take a seat at the table. Malcolm puts the radio on low while he finishes preparing the meal, and Colin enjoys just watching him. He could get used to this, he thinks. He never wants to leave Malcolm's house, Malcolm's company.  
  
With dinner served, Malcolm opts for the seat opposite Colin. "Thank you," Colin says gratefully. They're silent for a few minutes, both too hungry to do anything other than eat. When he's finished everything on his plate, Malcolm looks up to find Colin smiling at him. "It looks like we were both hungry," Colin says wryly.  
  
"I haven't eaten since yesterday morning," Malcolm realises.  
  
Colin looks slightly stunned. He opens his mouth to say something, then seems to think better of it and closes it again. Eventually he manages, "You'll have to tell me your side of the story."  
  
Malcolm's stomach clenches, a remnant of fear creeping back in. He takes a few moments to compose himself, reassured that Colin is here in front him, and there's nothing to worry about now. So he gathers his courage, looks straight at Colin - no matter how much it hurts to watch his friend's expressions as he tells the tale - and recounts the events of the last day from his perspective.  
  
When he gets to the part where SO19 stormed the flat, Malcolm is yet again filled with the terror of that moment. He tells of hearing the sounds of shouting and gunfire, shuddering when he recalls the status report. "I thought they were going to say you were dead and -", his voice breaks.  
  
Colin reaches across the table, unable to bear it any longer, and takes Malcolm's hand. With a jolt, Malcolm's eyes are drawn to their hands; Colin's resting on top of his. They’ve not had this sort of contact before. His stomach lurches, heart rate speeding up. His throat is suddenly painfully dry when he swallows. Gaze still focused on their hands, Malcolm turns his so that their palms are against each other. Colin's gaze, which until this point had been fixed on Malcolm's face, slides down to their joined hands. A frisson of excitement runs through him. The tips of Colin's fingers brush gently against the thin skin of Malcolm's inner wrist, feeling his pulse quicken. In response, Malcolm runs his thumb along the back of Colin's hand.  
  
They stay that way for a few moments longer, unable to prevent themselves from taking indulgence in the comfort they're being offered. Eventually, Colin looks up, unable to keep his eyes off Malcolm any longer; he's staggered by the expression on his friend's face. Malcolm exudes a sense of longing tinged with hope, like he can't believe this is happening but wants it to be more than anything. Colin can only hope it means what he wants it to mean. Almost like they're connected by some invisible thread, Malcolm lifts his head and his eyes meet Colin's. He's surprised by the look in his friend's eyes; Colin's pupils are blown wide and Malcolm can tell he's been just as affected by their contact.  
  
Malcolm wants to do nothing more than lean over the table and capture Colin's lips with his, but deep down he knows there's a conversation to be had first. He's not the sort of person to act first and speak later, he likes to know what he's getting into before he gives himself over to it. And after all, it's only been a few hours since Colin's return, and Malcolm feels like it would be inappropriate to take advantage of him without his express consent. Instead, he gently extricates his hand from Colin's, and though he feels suddenly bereft from the loss of contact, manages to ask: "Shall we retire to the living room? I could get us a glass of whiskey."  
  
Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Colin smiles at Malcolm. "Sounds good," he murmurs. Before he gets up to leave though, Colin looks at Malcolm meaningfully and gathers his courage enough to say in a strangled voice, "We have more to talk about, don't we?"  
  
Malcolm's gaze slides away from his nervously, but he manages to nod briefly before getting up to retrieve a couple of glasses and following Colin into the living room.


	8. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting! Turns out this chapter was ridiculously hard to write and still ended up being the longest!

When Colin enters the living room, he quickly makes the decision to sit on the sofa; that way Malcolm has the option to sit next to him or sit in the armchair to Colin's left. The thought of sitting next to each other while they have this conversation sends a thrill down his spine.  
  
Malcolm isn't far behind, and his stomach lurches when he takes note of where Colin is sitting. It may not seem it, but Malcolm knows that where he opts to sit is crucial; if he sits in the armchair it gives the impression that he's trying to distance himself from - whatever this is. Although it would be a safety buffer, which Malcolm feels like he needs with his dangerously heightened emotions, he finds that he doesn't actually want the distance. Proximity to Colin may not be conducive to higher brain functions, but it will give the right impression - that he wants this.

Any sensible thoughts promptly fly out of his head in a nervous rush the moment he sits down next to Colin, passing him a drink and steeling himself to meet his friend's gaze. As expected, Colin hasn't taken his eyes off Malcolm since he entered the room.  
  
Malcolm returning his gaze is the catalyst that Colin hadn’t realised he needed. "Before -".

His voice breaks, and Colin finds he doesn't know how he was going to continue that sentence. Every time he looks at Malcolm he finds himself drowning in his eyes, all coherent thought being overcome by... For lack of a better word, want. Colin knows what the word for this is, but dares not think it yet, let alone speak it, for fear that it's too much too soon.  
  
It's Malcolm who surprises himself by taking up the conversation. "Before," he manages, throat constricting involuntarily - but he needs to ask this question, needs to know. "Was that just comfort?" It's difficult even to speak it, never mind hope for the answer he yearns for.  
  
Colin is silent for a few moments, searching Malcolm's eyes and finding no resistance. Eventually, agonisingly slowly, never taking his eyes off Malcolm's, Colin shakes his head. "No," he swallows. "It wasn't just comfort." Suddenly he feels the need to explain himself. "Not that I didn't want to comfort you - I did," he backtracks. "What you went through during that time..."  
  
Malcolm shakes his head and interrupts gently. "What I went through?" he questions incredulously. "You were the one who could have -" he breaks off, unable to say the word.  
  
"I'm not disputing that, but I knew more about what was going on than you," Colin reasons. "I mean admittedly, they weren't exactly talkative, but I was in a better position to be privy to their plans."  
  
And though he knows it isn't exactly consoling, it is the truth - and he promised himself he would tell Malcolm the truth - so he says, "If they had been about to kill us, at least we were in some sort of position to fight back, or at least know what was happening." He can't explain it any better; he hopes Malcolm grasps his meaning. "You were powerless," he finishes painfully, catching the fear and sadness in Malcolm's eyes.  
  
Brokenly Malcolm says, "That was the worst thing. I did everything I could to help, but it still might not have been enough." His whiskey glass knocks against his leg, making him aware that his hands are shaking. Quickly he downs its contents and sets it down on the coffee table. Colin does the same.  
  
A frisson shoots through him when he realises that now there's nothing in their way; nothing to occupy their hands. The only barriers left are the emotional ones.  
  
Malcolm is the first to speak after the momentary distraction. "I nearly lost you... I couldn't, I can't fathom it." Colin half expects him to continue, but his friend has lapsed into a tormented silence, evidently haunted by the thought.  
  
It's too much for Colin to bear, and once again he reaches across to comfort Malcolm. This time however, his hand lands on Malcolm's thigh, just above his knee. Malcolm jolts out of his thoughts, eyes snapping immediately to Colin's hand. "Déjà vu," he murmurs, as if to himself. Colin brushes his thumb gently across Malcolm's leg, the touch leaving a heated trail in its wake even through the fabric of his jeans. Malcolm doesn't know how to react; his heart feels as if it’s in his throat. He finds he can't look away.  
  
The thought briefly flits through Colin's mind: _I could kiss him now, this is how it could happen_. Malcolm's gaze is heated when their eyes meet: _this is how he would look if he were to let me_. The thread holding them apart is strung so tightly now, ready to snap if only he would lean forward and take that chance.  
  
But he owes it to Malcolm to explain first: this isn't just a physical attraction, it goes far beyond that, and Malcolm deserves to understand that in case that's not what he's looking for. For Colin this isn't something that can just be forgotten about in the morning.  
  
So, regretfully, Colin withdraws his hand, steeling himself. He hopes that he hasn't imagined the disappointment he sees in Malcolm's eyes at the loss of contact; he himself feels bereft. Although he had been determined earlier, Colin is very definitely nervous now. He eventually answers the questioning glance Malcolm gives him in response to his prolonged silence.  
  
"I need to explain first," he begins, even though he doesn't actually know how to. But it seems that Malcolm already understands, as he gives Colin a reassuring smile and says, "Me too, I just don't quite know how."  
  
Colin can't help but let out a small laugh at the absurdity of the situation, and when Malcolm smiles, it diffuses some of the tension that had been weighing them down. Feeling marginally better, Colin says, "May I try then?"

"Be my guest."  
  
Colin tries for a joke: "I already am." He doesn't say what else he's thinking: that he won't be for much longer if this doesn't go right. He can tell Malcolm wants to say something further, but Colin interrupts him gently before he can begin. Now is not the time to discuss living arrangements; that's a conversation for another time when they know what's going on between them.  
  
"I made a promise to myself when I was in that flat, that if I got out I'd tell you the truth." Now that he's started, Colin finds it difficult to stop: the floodgates have opened. "I was so worried about you - if I'd died, you would have had to come back here alone. I can't even remember what the last thing I said to you was. I didn't want it to end like that." He half wonders whether Malcolm is following his convoluted thoughts, but to Colin they're important things to say. "But I also didn't want to leave you without saying what I've wanted to tell you for a while."  
  
Colin searches the depths of Malcolm's eyes then, looking for something, anything to tell him that this isn't what Malcolm wants to hear. But all he can see is hope - astounded hope, like Malcolm can't quite let himself believe it until he hears it spoken out loud, irreversible.  
  
"I tried to stop myself feeling this way when I moved in," Colin justifies. "I didn't want to make things difficult between us. Our friendship means too much for me to ruin it. And I must admit I didn't know if you liked men like that," he says sheepishly.  
  
Malcolm senses that he needs to say something here to reassure Colin; his friend has opened up so much already, more than Malcolm thinks he would have been able to under the circumstances, and he owes it to Colin to offer up his feelings too. "I do," he manages. "I mean, I don't have much experience, but I do."  
  
That's all he can admit for now: this is still so new between them, and he's terrified of messing up. Confessing his feelings has never been Malcolm's strong point, but Colin doesn't seem to mind.  
  
Colin feels a sudden sense of elation: he'd hardly dared hope that Malcolm could feel this way. The last few weeks seem to have been fraught with tripwires, with Colin desperately trying not to slip up and admit something he couldn't go back on. But now, that's exactly what he's about to admit.  
  
"That's good, me too," is all Colin can manage awkwardly in response. He's not used to this: the only people he ever had to come out to were his family, and that was many years ago. Malcolm is just as important.  
  
He takes a deep breath before continuing. "Sorry, as I was saying, when I moved in I tried to stop myself, but it didn't work. It only made my feelings stronger."  
  
Malcolm's breath hitches, and Colin can't help but notice. Without realising it - they've both been so entranced - they've moved closer together and now their knees are resting against each other. The contact breaks down any remaining barriers that Colin hadn't realised were still there in his mind.  
  
"These past few weeks have been some of the best of my life," he admits. "Just living with you, sharing my life with you, I found that I didn't want to stop. If I can, I want to spend the rest of my life with you."  
  
Stunned, Malcolm somehow manages to say: "You do?" Colin nods, choked with emotion. Malcolm looks relieved. "That's what I want too. Almost as soon as you moved in, I never wanted you to move out," he admits.  
  
"All this time?" Colin asks incredulously.  
  
Malcolm gives a small laugh. "Yes, all this time. And longer for you."  
  
They exchange an amazed smile; for weeks they've both felt exactly the same way about each other. Colin could kiss him.  
  
"I promised I was going to tell you the truth - the whole truth," Colin says. "We don't know what the future might hold for us, especially not in our line of work: I’ve certainly learnt that. We have to make the most of the chances we get. So the truth is that I want to live with you and I want to be in a relationship with you. I want to give it a go. I want to enjoy the time we do have together because I love you."  
  
The words hang in the air between them; there's no going back now, Colin thinks.  
  
Malcolm is stunned; he can barely believe it. He searches Colin's eyes but everything he finds there shows him that Colin is telling the truth. Not that he doubted him.  
  
Over the last few weeks Malcolm has been stubbornly refusing to admit to himself how he feels, but now he can't hide anymore. He knows this moment is hugely important, and he can't afford to say anything wrong. But he figures that anything is better than silence, even if he can't convey the full depth of his feelings only in words.  
  
Instead he takes Colin's hand, resting between them on the sofa. Looking Colin straight in the eye so he cannot doubt it, Malcolm gathers his courage and takes the plunge.  
  
"I want that too, with you. When you were taken I told myself the same thing; that when you were safe, I'd tell you the truth of how I feel about you. I couldn't fathom losing you without telling you that I love you."  
  
Colin lets out the breath he hasn't realised he's been holding; a shaky exhale tainted with relief. He clutches tighter to Malcolm's hand and twists his body slightly. They're both perched on the very edge of the sofa, so when Colin shifts, his knee slides alongside Malcolm's.  
  
Malcolm's breathing hitches; the extent of the physical contact is more prolonged than any so far. This time however, there's nothing stopping them, nothing holding them back: they've admitted everything they needed to. The thread between them snaps.  
  
Colin presses his knee gently against Malcolm's thigh, encouraging Malcolm to hook his leg over Colin's, drawing them closer. Malcolm’s eyes kindle in response to the proximity; Colin had never anticipated that he would see such a look on his friend. It does things to him he doesn’t know how to explain.  
  
His free hand involuntarily brushes along Malcolm’s arm before coming to rest just below his shoulder, pressing briefly. Their other hands are still clasped together. The contact forces a ragged breath from Malcolm, and Colin is aware that he too has not succeeded in keeping his breathing regular. The touch sparks something in them.  
  
Colin cannot help himself; he glances down at Malcolm’s lips. Malcolm does not miss the look. Their eyes meet -- neither is sure who moves towards the other first. All Colin knows is that he is kissing Malcolm and Malcolm is kissing him. Colin makes a surprised noise of relief, muffled by Malcolm’s lips.  
  
The hand clutching Malcolm’s shoulder moves to grasp the back of his neck, drawing him impossibly closer. The movement draws a startled groan from Malcolm, opening his mouth wider for Colin’s tongue to explore. Malcolm’s free hand winds itself into the short hair at the nape of Colin’s neck. Malcolm kisses him like he has been waiting for this moment all his life.  
  
They’re clinging to each other now; both have wanted this for so long they are reluctant to part. Their shallow breaths mingle in the space between their mouths.  
  
“Colin,” Malcolm murmurs, entranced. His voice curls around the word; Colin has never heard his name said in such a manner. It sounds like blasphemy.  
  
“I have wanted to do that for a long time,” Colin pants.  
  
Malcolm leans in and kisses him again -- it is an admission of wanting without words; an unspoken agreement. Colin doesn’t seem to mind, allowing Malcolm to part his lips and slide his tongue between them.  
  
Somewhere in the hazy recesses of Malcolm’s mind, he decides they are not close enough: there’s still too much space between them. He tugs gently on Colin’s hand, encouraging him to shift back. Colin gets the hint and they take a few moments to rearrange their bodies into a less awkward position.  
  
They’re so close now that when Colin pulls Malcolm down for another kiss, their chests are pressed against each other. Their hearts are beating wildly, and with no space between them, they are both aware of the effect the kiss and their proximity are having on the other. There is no mistaking this.  
  
When they pull apart breathlessly, Malcolm takes the opportunity to run his hand down Colin's chest, coming to rest on his hip. He needs a moment to gather his composure; his thoughts are all over the place.  
  
Colin looks at him with heavy lidded eyes, and it's all Malcolm can do not to lean in again. He knows his eyes must be as dark. Neither can hide what this means to them.  
  
Shakily, Malcolm manages to find his voice. "Colin," he breathes. He obviously succeeds in conveying his meaning in just the one word, because Colin rests his forehead gently against Malcolm's and murmurs, "You’re right."  
  
Malcolm feels the need to clarify. He pulls back slightly to study Colin's face. "It's not that I don't want to, because I do. It's just after everything that's happened -"  
  
"I know," Colin interrupts gently. "It's a lot to take in, I understand."  
  
Malcolm nods. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" he asks, still slightly worried. "I don't want to ruin anything."  
  
Colin's eyes grow impossibly softer. "You -" he shakes his head disbelievingly. "You haven't ruined anything. You couldn't. I love you, and I want you, but we have plenty of time. We don't need to rush. You mean far more to me than that."  
  
He knows it's not the most eloquent reasoning, but Malcolm looks at him gratefully. "Thank you," he says, relief packed into the syllables. He leans forward then and kisses Colin again; a brief slide of lips.  
  
"If it's not too much, too soon," Colin says. "We could go upstairs - just to sleep. I don't know about you but I'm exhausted." He doesn't quite know how to admit that he doesn't actually want to be alone tonight either. He doesn't have to say it, he can tell Malcolm understands in the way he takes hold of Colin's hand and squeezes it reassuringly.  
  
"Me too," Malcolm says. Heart pounding, he takes the lead, determined to show Colin that he feels just as strongly about him. Getting up off the sofa and still holding Colin's hand, he leads them out of the room. He's first up the stairs and into the bedroom. Standing at the foot of the bed, they both can't help but give a nervous laugh.  
  
"This is ridiculous," Colin says, shaking his head at himself. "I can't believe I'm so nervous."  
  
Malcolm gives a wry smile. "I can believe I am."  
  
Colin visits the bathroom while Malcolm desperately tries to get his heart rate under control. _All we're doing is sharing a bed_ , he tells himself, _there's nothing to be scared of_. But the fact is he's yearned for this for so long that he cannot help but be apprehensive of reality.  
  
When Malcolm returns from the bathroom, Colin is sat nervously on the edge of the bed. He's removed his jeans, and Malcolm's gaze cannot help but be drawn to his legs. He swallows heavily, his heart pounding wildly once more. He can hear the blood rushing in his ears.  
  
Colin's eyes are fixed on his face when Malcolm finally manages to look up, heat colouring his cheeks. The look in those eyes is staggering.  
  
"Sorry," Colin murmurs. "I didn't really feel like I could just get in." His eyes skitter nervously to the floor. Malcolm finds himself relieved that Colin is almost as hopeless at this as he is.  
  
"Permission granted," he says wryly.  
  
Colin laughs before looking uncertain again. "Which side do you normally sleep on?" he asks.  
  
Malcolm gestures to the opposite side of the bed. As Colin climbs in and removes his glasses, Malcolm quickly strips off his jeans and slips in alongside him, flicking the light off.  
  
Although the mood has cooled somewhat, Colin cannot resist leaning in to kiss Malcolm again. He sighs against Colin's lips, drawing him closer, their legs entwining. He doesn't think he will ever tire of this.  
  
Before they fall too deep, Colin pulls away, breathing heavily. "God," he pants. They remain curled together, not wanting to be even an inch apart. The closeness is comforting in the darkness.  
  
They're both exhausted, but before they can drift off, Malcolm has a suggestion. "Tomorrow, if you'd like, we could go out for dinner," he says.  
  
"I'd like that," Colin murmurs.  
  
Malcolm takes the leap. "And afterwards, I'd like to go to bed with you, properly." It's as much as he can admit; Colin understands his meaning.  
  
"I want that too," Colin says, sounding overwhelmed. His arms are wrapped around Malcolm, so he squeezes him reassuringly. "Thank you for everything," he whispers, and Malcolm squeezes him in return, knowing what he means.  
  
They're both so exhausted they drift off without another word, comforted and loved in each other's arms.


	9. Light of Day

Malcolm is roused from sleep suddenly by the sound of his alarm clock, and quickly reaches out to turn it off. Only then does he become aware of the presence next to him -- the arm slung across his chest; the long-forgotten feel of warmth from another body. He turns his head slightly and takes in the sight of Colin lying on his front, squinting sleepily at him. Colin makes an unintelligible noise in greeting and pulls himself closer to Malcolm, arm tightening across his chest.  
  
“Good morning to you too,” Malcolm says with a smile.

“How did I know you’d be a morning person?” Colin mumbles. Malcolm laughs, extricating the arm that Colin has pinned against his side and managing to wrap it around Colin’s shoulders to draw him closer. Their legs tangle together.  
  
“Okay, now it’s a good morning,” Colin says cheekily. Malcolm swats him lightly on the arm.  
  
In truth, Malcolm's just pleased that there’s no awkwardness between them; last night had been intense and fraught with emotion, and part of him – though he hadn’t realised it until now – had been worried that things would be different in the morning. They are different, but in the best possible way: the love shared between them is an almost palpable thing.  
  
The early morning sun filters through the blinds, and Colin buries his face in Malcolm’s neck to shield his eyes from the light. His breath tickles Malcolm’s skin when he exhales, leaving a tingling trail in its wake. Malcolm doesn’t move away. They simply lie there, revelling in the feel of having the other so close.  
  
Colin slowly finds himself getting distracted by their proximity; he’s acutely aware that the only thing separating them is the thin fabric of their clothing. Judging by Malcolm’s now shallow breathing, he’s noticed too. But rather than pull away, as Colin half expected him to, Malcolm turns his head and brushes a gentle kiss on Colin’s forehead. Colin reads his meaning: _this is okay, I want this; it's not too much._  
  
In return, Colin presses a kiss to the patch of skin on Malcolm’s neck that his mouth is resting against. He can feel Malcolm's pulse racing beneath his lips.  
  
It would be easy for this to turn into something more, but they're both aware that now is not the time. Instead they're content to simply stay entwined and relaxed once more.  
  
Eventually Malcolm speaks. “As much as I’d love to spend all day like this, we probably ought to get up.” Colin playfully responds by holding Malcolm tighter.  
  
“Come on, up!” Malcolm laughs. Colin sighs dramatically, but then stretches and moves to sit on the side of the bed.  
  
He glances back at Malcolm, still lying on the bed, and cannot resist leaning over quickly to kiss him. When he pulls away, Colin braves asking, “So, tonight?” It’s not a particularly articulate question, but the meaning is clear: he wants Malcolm to affirm that he’s sure about this.  
  
Malcolm smiles reassuringly, knowing that Colin probably thinks he’s not ready after what he said last night, even though that’s actually far from the truth. Malcolm needs Colin to understand so that there’s no doubt in his mind. So even though he can’t help feeling slightly awkward – the habit of a lifetime is hard to break, and Malcolm has never found it easy to talk about his feelings – he sits up and begins to explain.  
  
“Yes, I was planning on booking a table at the restaurant around the corner for half 7 if work doesn’t get in the way.”  
  
Colin laughs. “Unfortunately national crises don’t stop just because we’ve got a date.”  
  
“Inconvenient,” Malcolm agrees, unable to stop the smile that spreads across his face at the word ‘date’. _He’s going on a date with Colin_. That thought both terrifies and excites him.  
  
Rather than delaying the inevitable any longer, he reaches out and takes Colin’s hand, which is resting on the bed between them. Colin’s gaze flickers to their joined hands and then back up to Malcolm's face, concern in his eyes.  
  
“Don’t worry,” Malcolm reassures him. “I just wanted – I needed – to say that I’m sorry again for last night.” Before Colin can interject, Malcolm squeezes his hand and says, “I know you didn’t mind, but I can see the doubt in your eyes.”  
  
Colin does interrupt now, feeling the need to explain himself. “I just need to be sure that you are alright with this,” he says. “I understand about last night: thinking back on it, it was too soon and I’m glad we waited.”  
  
Malcolm senses that this is the perfect opportunity to say what he needs to. “That’s exactly it. I am alright with this, I promise, it’s just – as I said yesterday – I don’t have much experience and I partly let my lack of self-confidence get in the way, but it’s not just that.”  
  
Colin says nothing, simply letting him get this off his chest, but he does squeeze Malcolm’s hand reassuringly, encouraging him to continue. He can tell that this is difficult for Malcolm; being so open and exposing his heart.  
  
“It’s just – I’ve wanted you and fantasised about us being together more than I can put into words. But yesterday, so much happened, and I didn’t want our first time together to happen under those circumstances; borne out of a day of fear and exhaustion.” At the look in Colin’s eyes, Malcolm says, “Yes, I have imagined it, believe me. But I want to savour every moment, and that wouldn’t have happened yesterday.”  
  
Colin nods, relief flooding through him now that he finally understands. Unable to prevent the urge, he leans over and envelopes Malcolm in a hug. “You’re right,” he whispers raggedly in Malcolm’s ear. “That’s not how I imagined it either. I guess I should thank you for stopping it before we went too far.”  
  
In lieu of response, Malcolm clings to Colin tighter before turning his head, seeking out Colin’s lips. The kiss starts out lightly, but in view of what they’ve just admitted, there’s no chance it could remain like that. Colin almost involuntarily parts his lips and the kiss deepens. They are so close that the heat between them cannot be missed.  
  
Reluctantly Colin pulls away. “God, right, I need to get off this bed now,” he pants. “Otherwise I won’t be able to stop myself.”  
  
Malcolm’s eyes are heavy with lust and he feels dazed from lack of oxygen but he comes back to himself at Colin’s words. “You’re right, sorry.”  
  
Colin grins, standing up and looking lovingly at Malcolm. “Oh don’t apologise, I’m as much to blame and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”  
  
Malcolm returns his smile, following Colin off the bed. “Come on then, let’s go to work and hope the country doesn’t implode before 7 o’clock tonight.”


	10. Estimated Time Remaining

So far today it's just been routine monitoring: updating the threat assessment and keeping tabs on any low level ops they're running. Colin and Tom have a debrief with Harry at 2 o'clock and if everything stays quiet, Malcolm is planning on tinkering with some of the latest gadgets they've been working on; no doubt Colin will help when he's finished in the meeting room.

Malcolm is just returning to the forgery suite with drinks when his phone vibrates. He hands Colin a mug of coffee before sitting down and digging his mobile from his jacket pocket.

_Sent: 12:30_  
 _From: Colin Wells_  
 _To: Malcolm Wynn-Jones_  
 _Message: ETR 7 hours. Situation normal._  
  
Malcolm gives a low chuckle when he reads the text: Colin is sat at the computer opposite him. When Malcolm makes eye contact, Colin winks just to see if he’ll blush; it has the desired effect.

Colin is still thrilled at the fact that he can act like this with Malcolm now – that he doesn’t have to disguise how he feels and attempt normality. He can find out the answers to all the questions he ever wondered about; even just the little things and ones he never intended to voice: a catalogue of expressions and reactions.

* * *

_Sent: 13:30_   
_From: Malcolm Wynn-Jones_   
_To: Colin Wells_   
_Message: ETR 6 hours. Country is still in one piece, thankfully._

It’s Malcolm’s turn to surprise Colin, and the grin he receives in response tells him that the message had the desired effect.

They can hardly talk about this openly in the office for fear of being heard by nosy colleagues with over-enquiring minds, but Malcolm hadn’t wanted to let the matter drop.

When he thinks about the date he can’t help but be terrified, and yet he’s excited by the prospect as well; in the past, he’s been awkward on dates, not knowing how to act and struggling with things to say. But this is Colin: they spend every day working – and now living – together, so there’s none of the typical awkwardness, just a nervous excitement that they’re beginning their future together.

* * *

Just before the debrief, Colin gets a call from the decorators responsible for sorting out his flat: they'll hopefully be finished at the end of the week. His stomach drops. Admittedly, he should have prepared for the inevitability of this moment, but he had hoped that it would take longer. Rationally, he knows that it has taken long enough, but the timing couldn’t have been worse. After all, he and Malcolm have only just admitted their feelings for each other; it’s potentially too soon for the next, more permanent, step. Colin thinks there’s a quite a difference between helping a friend in need and moving in with a partner properly.  
  
As Malcolm is in the room, he cannot help but hear Colin's side of the conversation and picks up most of what's going on. _The moment is upon us_ , he thinks. He hopes that the idea he has to suggest to Colin will not be unwelcome, even though he hadn’t anticipated talking about it already.  
  
"Everything alright?" he asks when Colin puts the phone down.  
  
"Yeah, it was the decorators," Colin says reluctantly. He didn't really want to have this conversation so soon, but it seems he has no choice. "My flat should be sorted by the end of the week."  
  
Malcolm is quiet for a few moments, considering. Colin doesn't know what he's thinking, though he hopes it's along the same lines as his thoughts.  
  
"I've been thinking about that, but we'll talk about it later," Malcolm says with a smile. "You'd better go to the meeting room."  
  
Colin is reassured by the warmth in Malcolm's gaze; the prospect of the talk is not daunting, but hopeful.

* * *

_Sent: 15:30_  
 _From: Colin Wells_  
 _To: Malcolm Wynn-Jones_  
 _Message: ETR 4 hours. The debrief is over, where are you?_  
  
Malcolm pops his head around the door to the forgery suite, glad to find Colin in there. "Sorry, I was in registry. Just need to give these files to Harry, then I'll come back."  
  
Colin is grateful for the offer of company: even though he hadn't said anything, Malcolm had obviously sensed that the debrief had stirred up feelings that Colin had been hoping he wouldn't have to dwell on again.  
  
When Malcolm returns, he simply presses Colin's shoulder reassuringly, before passing by and heading to the workbench. Colin turns and smiles at him, and Malcolm's smile in return confirms that he understands how Colin is feeling. Also appreciating that Colin probably doesn't need to go over it again, Malcolm gestures to the collection of gadgets and gizmos assembled on the table.  
  
"I was tinkering with our latest project earlier; I think we could potentially refine it."  
  
Colin grins, and joins him. Cheekily, Colin says, "I'd love nothing more than to tinker with you." Though it’s true, the innuendo is clear.  
  
The look on Malcolm's face is worth every moment.

* * *

They've spent the last few hours developing an upgrade on some of the bugs they use. Having lost track of time, it gets to 6 o'clock sooner than either of them realise. It's only when Helen comes in to say goodnight that they pull themselves out of their work.  
  
Malcolm looks at his watch. "Do you think it's safe?" he asks Colin, mirth dancing in his eyes.  
  
Colin pulls a mock-worried face. "I wouldn't want to tempt fate, but it's looking promising."  
  
Malcolm nods. "Do you want to go home and change first?" he asks. "Because we could probably head off now, it's gone 6."  
  
"Good idea," Colin smiles. "You look smart enough, but I feel a bit underdressed for a restaurant."  
  
He doesn't mention the word 'date' no matter how much he might want to: anybody walking past might overhear. One look at Malcolm tells him he feels the same. _Another thing to talk about then_.  
  
Colin drives them home while Malcolm phones up to book a table.  
  
 _Sent: 18:30_  
 _From: Malcolm Wynn-Jones_  
 _To: Colin Wells_  
 _Message: ETR 1 hour. All sorted, we have a date!_  
  
Colin hears his phone go off and laughs, knowing what the text will be about; briefly reaching over to squeeze Malcolm's hand.

* * *

Colin is enormously thankful that he thought to bring a suit with him when he left his flat; he doesn't quite know when he expected to wear it, but this definitely wasn't the circumstance he'd planned for - it's beyond his wildest expectations.  
  
Berating himself for being nervous - after all, they've lived together for over a month and work together every day - Colin heads downstairs.  
  
When he enters the living room, Malcolm looks preoccupied; jolting out of his thoughts when Colin enters.  
  
He looks almost abashed at his reaction. "Sorry, I was miles away."  
  
"Penny for them?"  
  
Malcolm smiles nervously and is quiet for a few moments. When he does speak, his voice contains a hint of nervousness that he hasn't quite been able to repress.  
  
"I've not done this in a very long time," he admits reluctantly. He feels stupid for being so awkward, but Colin smiles reassuringly and - if Malcolm is not mistaken - with a hint of relief.  
  
"Me neither," he says. He colours slightly. "Not like this anyway - not when it means so much."  
  
Malcolm nods, agreeing with the sentiment. Quirking an eyebrow, he asks, "Ready to go?"  
  
Colin notes the appraising once-over as he looks at him.  
  
"I think I'll do," Colin says cheekily, wondering what reaction he'll be able to provoke from Malcolm this time.  
  
A blush covers Malcolm's cheeks as he murmurs, "I think so too."  
  
Colin grins. "Come on then, let's go and eat, I'm starving."  
  
"Ah, ever the romantic."


	11. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting! Hopefully it’s worth the wait!

The restaurant Malcolm has chosen has the benefit of being in a quiet area: the ambience is pleasant, but the place isn't crowded, lending them some privacy. The table he has reserved is in an alcove at the far end, which serves to create an even more intimate air.  
  
Considering that neither of them has been on a date in a long time, the conversation flows easily. It turns out the surroundings don't make a difference: they still talk about all the things they normally would.  
  
The only difference is that now there is a world of new questions and things to talk about than before. Colin tells Malcolm the story of coming out to his family: he was 16 and terrified of telling them the truth; turns out he needn’t have worried - they’d already guessed, and his sister Rachel had even exclaimed, “About time!”

In turn, Malcolm recalls the time he realised he was attracted to men as well as women, while he was at university. He didn’t have his first proper boyfriend until he was 27; unfortunately, his father died within months, before Malcolm got a chance to tell his parents that he was bisexual. In the upheaval that followed, he didn’t want to upset his mother further by telling her the truth and the boyfriend wasn’t prepared to stick around. Colin reaches across the table and squeezes Malcolm’s hand reassuringly, unable to convey his feelings in words. Malcolm’s eyes are soft and loving in acceptance of the gesture.

When their main courses arrive, Colin decides it’s time to bring up the issue of living arrangements: it's been nagging at the back of his mind all day since he got the call, and in light of everything they’ve admitted so far this evening, Colin is no longer nervous about the conversation.

He smiles gently at Malcolm and says, "So, earlier, you mentioned that you'd been thinking of the living situation?"  
  
Malcolm appreciates the prompt, having been struggling to think of a way to start that line of conversation other than just blurting out that Colin should live with him permanently. As it is, there's a gentler way of phrasing the suggestion, and he smiles gratefully at Colin.  
  
"Yes, I have," he says. Colin doesn't say anything, but the look in his eyes encourages Malcolm to continue. "I have for a while actually, but it's only after yesterday that the possibility seemed like it could become a reality."  
  
Colin's heart lurches, and he hopes he understands Malcolm's meaning. Luckily, he doesn't have to wonder for long, because Malcolm briefly reaches across the table to brush his fingers against Colin's hand, before saying, "I'd like for you to move in with me properly. I know under normal circumstances it's a lot sooner than we'd normally contemplate taking this step -" to which Colin nods, glad that Malcolm understands; "- but seeing as we don't exactly live normal lives and this situation is hardly one we expected, I think we can be forgiven."  
  
Colin finds he cannot take his eyes from Malcolm's face: his friend - his partner - looks so hopeful that Colin doesn't doubt that this is the right thing to do.  
  
"I'd love to move in with you properly," he says, unable to keep his emotions in check. “As I believe I may have mentioned yesterday,” he jokes weakly, thinking back to the terrifying moment he exposed his heart and took that leap. He's wanted this for so long, it's almost difficult to believe that it's going to be a reality. Malcolm’s eyes mist with tears briefly as he beams at Colin. Neither of them can quite believe they’ve made it, after all this time.

"I did think it was pretty awful timing with my flat though," Colin laughs after a while, shaking Malcolm from his reflections. "Talk about jumping in the deep end."

Malcolm laughs as well, perfectly aware of the absurdity of the situation: it takes them over a month to confess to each other how they feel - after secretly feeling that way for a long time - and then they're moving in together within a day.  
  
However, Malcolm knows that there is one more thing that he needs to discuss before they can go forward. Slightly abashed, he looks up to find Colin already looking at him, having sensed that he has been gearing up to say something.  
  
"I don't really know how to ask this," he admits nervously, unsure of how Colin is going to react.  
  
Colin reaches over and places his hand over Malcolm's reassuringly. "You're wondering what we tell our colleagues?" Colin murmurs gently. It's phrased as a question; he had been wondering the same thing.  
  
Malcolm nods. "I mean, they already know that we're living together, so it isn't as though anything has changed in their eyes." He looks down at the table, hoping that Colin doesn't think he's ashamed of him in any way.  
  
Colin squeezes his hand, encouraging him to look up. Colin doesn't look disappointed at all, which surprises Malcolm. Nevertheless, he feels the need to explain: "I'm not ashamed of you, if that's what you're thinking. It's just - as you know - I've never actually openly been with another man. After everything, I never told my mother. So no-one I care about knows,” he admits. “Apart from you of course,” he adds, exchanging a soft smile with Colin.

"As to colleagues knowing, in the past I got enough teasing when they found out I was with a woman," Malcolm laughs awkwardly. "You never met Connie, but she loved to enquire about my personal life; I know she was just being friendly but sometimes I found the focus too invasive..." He trails off, not knowing how else to justify himself. But he doesn't need to.

Colin nods, "I agree, it might change the dynamics with the team if they knew. Maybe one day we'll decide it's the right time, but for now I have no need to reveal it to everyone. Surely all that matters is that we know what we mean to each other?"  
  
Malcolm smiles, relieved that Colin genuinely doesn’t mind. "I think so, but only if you’re sure."

“I promise you I am,” Colin says reassuringly. "And it might be safer," he adds, hoping that it sounds like he's only just thought of this, rather than it having being on his mind since the debrief.

But Malcolm can tell that this isn't an offhand remark: there's real thought behind it. Gently he encourages Colin to say what's on his mind.  
  
"It's just something that Harry said in the debrief. It was directed at Tom because he knows that Tom is seeing someone," Colin's throat closes involuntarily and he forces himself to continue. "The first bit he said doesn't apply to us: that it's best not to tell your partner that you're a spy unless absolutely necessary. But then he said something that does apply to us: that being with someone puts them in danger too. People manipulate and blackmail, and use the people you love the most to get at you. I wouldn't normally have considered that that could affect us either, considering we're not field officers and hardly have a reputation beyond the Grid..." The emotion gets the better of him again, and he trails off, trying to quell the rising fear.  
  
"... But after what happened, it turns out even in our jobs we might not be safe," Malcolm finishes for him. "It could apply to us too."  
  
Colin nods, and Malcolm moves their hands so that he is consoling Colin.  
  
"It was an awful enough situation to be in, without thinking you might be in danger too," Colin murmurs. "I know it's unlikely to happen again, but still, if anything was to happen to you..."  
  
Malcolm meets his gaze. "Likewise."

Neither of them looks away.  
  
In an attempt to improve the mood, Malcolm says lightly: "Well I think we've conclusively proved that we should keep it a secret."  
  
Colin gives a huffed laugh. "Absolutely, if we carry on we might end up talking ourselves out of it too!" he jokes.

* * *

 

They settle into a companionable silence during the short walk home, both thinking about their plans for the rest of the evening with excitement and a natural hint of nervousness. When they reach the door however, the nervousness melts away as Malcolm turns and announces: “Welcome home!”

Colin grins and fishes his keys out of his pocket. “Shall I do the honours?” he asks, and at Malcolm’s answering smile, they enter their home - Malcolm resting his hand purposefully on Colin’s lower back, hazily reminiscent of the night they returned from Harry’s birthday.

Unlike that night however, when Malcolm closes the door behind them, they do not move further apart. Instead, Colin turns to face him, and Malcolm’s hand drifts from his back to settle on his waist. Their gazes meet, eyes kindling.

Without hesitation, Colin leans down to brush his lips against Malcolm’s. Before he can pull away, Malcolm’s other hand reaches up to curl around the back of his neck, preventing him from moving too far. Malcolm feels Colin’s laugh as a rush of air against his lips before he kisses him again. This time, Colin deepens the kiss, his hands drifting down Malcolm’s arms almost absentmindedly before coming to rest around his back, pulling them closer.

When they finally part, Malcolm breathlessly murmurs, “Upstairs?” It’s phrased as a question, but when Colin searches his eyes to be certain, he finds no trace of doubt. They both want this.

Overcome with emotion, Colin only manages to nod. Malcolm smiles, and leans up to kiss him again lovingly, before leading the way up the stairs and into his bedroom -- _their_ bedroom from now on.

 

**_The End._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For now anyway! I have a lot more plans for this story, so it’s not over, but there will be quite a delay before I post the next part! Thank you all so much for reading - I hope you enjoyed it :)


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